Going from an 'outie' to an 'innie'...
Although the French expression for people who consider themselves to be the center of the universe, or 'the world's bellybutton' (le nombril du monde), is an accurate visual for this topic, I prefer to call it a good dose of introspection...
In 2002 I took the Myers-Briggs personality assessment tool. It's a big, long questionnaire that sums up your personality in a little 4-letter code. Mine was ENFP, which means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and perceiving. But the letter to focus on is E for Extraverted - note the capital E! Out of a possible 50 points, I got 50 points. I was as extraverted as they come - energized by being around other people, thriving on socializing and never feeling a need to be alone.
This week I read an article entitled Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts by Bryan Kim. (I know. Mr Kim spelled 'extrovert' with an O and Myers-Briggs does it with an A. It bothered me too, but that's a whole 'nother personality test...) I decided to read the article because I'm married to an introvert and I figured reading an article would be easier than coercing my husband to tell me about his deepest feelings and emotions.
Is it possible to change from being an 'outie' to an 'innie'?
I identified with all five items listed in the article and for each one I found myself thinking, "I wish I could explain this to so-and-so..." or "If so-and-so knew this about me, they would understand why I act the way I do sometimes." For example, Kim explains that if you want to engage an introvert in conversation, you should skip the small talk and go for deep conversations instead.
If you're married to an introvert or have 'innie' friends, I highly recommend reading the article for yourself.
So, what do you think? Are you extraverted or introverted? Are introverts misunderstood to be shy or anti-social? Do extraverts wish introverts understood them better? Is it possible to change from a 50-point extravert to an introvert?
In 2002 I took the Myers-Briggs personality assessment tool. It's a big, long questionnaire that sums up your personality in a little 4-letter code. Mine was ENFP, which means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and perceiving. But the letter to focus on is E for Extraverted - note the capital E! Out of a possible 50 points, I got 50 points. I was as extraverted as they come - energized by being around other people, thriving on socializing and never feeling a need to be alone.This week I read an article entitled Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts by Bryan Kim. (I know. Mr Kim spelled 'extrovert' with an O and Myers-Briggs does it with an A. It bothered me too, but that's a whole 'nother personality test...) I decided to read the article because I'm married to an introvert and I figured reading an article would be easier than coercing my husband to tell me about his deepest feelings and emotions.
A) I was right.People who know me from pre-2002 probably can't imagine me as an introvert, but people who have met me more recently have a hard time believing I ever hit 50 points on the extravert scale.
B) The article confirmed a suspicion I've had for about two years now: I think I'm actually an introvert.
Is it possible to change from being an 'outie' to an 'innie'?
I identified with all five items listed in the article and for each one I found myself thinking, "I wish I could explain this to so-and-so..." or "If so-and-so knew this about me, they would understand why I act the way I do sometimes." For example, Kim explains that if you want to engage an introvert in conversation, you should skip the small talk and go for deep conversations instead.
If you're married to an introvert or have 'innie' friends, I highly recommend reading the article for yourself.
So, what do you think? Are you extraverted or introverted? Are introverts misunderstood to be shy or anti-social? Do extraverts wish introverts understood them better? Is it possible to change from a 50-point extravert to an introvert?
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11 comments:
Based on some recent research that Dr. Wayne Dyer mentions, this may very well be possible to change from extrovert to introvert or vice versa. it's not HIS research but he references it.
On being shy: you can be an introvert or an extrovert and be shy. There's enough research by Dr. Bernardo Carducci that supports this.
LOL - Doesn't almost EVERYONE regardless of there introvert or extrovert preference want to be understood better?
I have a series of videos at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPF-CHhRhno to Debunk Introvert Myths! Like, introverts are shy.
Kari,
I've had similar suspicions about myself the past few years! Weird.
I will definitely read the article.
(And I think Dan is gaining more extra/o/verted tendancies :)
Also weird.
-Britt
I am an introvert--totally relate to the "no small talk" thing. Dale is an extro(a)vert--VERY high on the scale. It has made for an interesting 30+ years! We're good for each other. And...we haven't killed each other yet! :) Taking the personality test years ago helped us immensely and we've had a lot of laughs about it too. So enjoy.
Aunt Lori
I think I'm one that's gone from an outie to an innie. Hmmm...interesting!
Thanks for commenting on my blog! I've been reading yours for a couple of years now!! And had your parents in my home a few weeks ago! =)
Alright, I read this post this morning but I was still half asleep and knew it was way too deep for me to consider then. Now I'm back.
I am absolutely, positively, most definitely an introvert. Not a huge fan of small talk. I'd rather have a deep conversation with one friend than mingle with lots of people at a party. I do think that introverts are mistaken to be shy and anti-social. (I think sometimes we can think that about ourselves too.) And it bugs me that we're expected to perform outside our comfort zone.
I don't know if it's possible to change or not. But I don't think I would've ever labeled you as a 50-point extravert. But I've done most of my getting to know you post-2002 :)
Can you help me? I'm new to Blogger and am trying to put photos in my blog posts, but when I load them up, they don't let me click through to a larger version of the picture like yours do. Do I need to do something special when I add a picture to the text of my post? Any advice you have would be appreciated.
yes i think it's possibly for SURE to change. and i too have a hard time picturing you as a 50 pointer. :) i do think you can still be an extrovert (because you are still energized by people, in general) but your E might not be very strong. Jesse used to be a huge E, but is now a very low E.
And I'd like to add that for E's, it's true we usually tend to like knowing everyone in a crowd a little, and not go deep with hardly anyone. so it can be draining if someone in an E's life is ALWAYs wanting to have these deep meaningful conversations. sometimes we just want to hang out and have meangingless chat! :) we will go deep with people, but for me, it's pretty selective on who I go deep with. thus, why I only have a few really GOOD, deep friends, and tons of friends. just my 2 cents. :)
this is so strange. when i took myers brigg back in 2003 i was off the charts in being extroverted (i believe i was also 50 pts). a few months ago i took it again...i don't remember the points but i am very much an introvert now. i had no idea that could happen, and i wondered for awhile if it did. sure enough, my instincts were correct. it's really interesting to me how circumstances, life changes and just plain growing-up can change a person...
Interesting blog (no, I've not yet ready the article, but plan to). This reminds me of a series Dr Charles Stanley did on gifts. But he not only went in depth about the plus side of the gift, but he also explained just how an individual with a particular gift could be totally misunderstood by others who do not share the same gift. A great reminder that we need to extend grace (note that extending grace is not the same thing as tolerance, nor does it mean to condone a sinful action).
Is it possible to ride the fence, because I can definitely relate to both sides? Sometimes I feel like all sides of my brain are working very evenly, and I don't know what to think about that. I'm the most organized planner of an artist, and I'm a very socializing thinker. Haha! I'd rather not have the small talk, but I don't really like to be alone for any longer than a day or two.
Chris is definitely an introvert, but he does great in social situations - not because he feels pressured, just because he is.
Oh, and I did know you pre-2002. Although you were very outgoing, I could tell there were some introversion tendencies. So it's interesting that you scored so high in that area. I definitely think that life makes different attributes in us come out more when needed.
i was already bothered by the 2 spellings before you mentioned it yourself. yes, indeed...whole 'nother personality test. :)
question: is it more common to go from outie to innie or innie to outie?
and i LOATHE small talk. which makes many people think i'm wierd.
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